I recently finished a 6-month foray into Brooklyn’s porn industry—the result of which you can read here. To say that I began my investigation as a noob would be putting it lightly; prior to researching, the only porn I knew of were the explicit and detailed sex scenes in Roberto Bolaño’s novel The Savage Detectives. Now, you can’t even pop into my apartment for a quick hello without having the Chasing Milf Booty DVD shoved in your face—”I don’t know, man, to each is own, but do these look like MILFs to you?!” In hindsight, the fact that visions of cavernous vaginas now regularly appear in my dreams seems worth it, given all that I’ve learned.
1. Before researching, if you mentioned ace of spades, one thing came to my mind, and one thing only: the lucky beginner in a game of BS. Now I know that it also denotes a black man who only has sex with white women.
2. The average rate for a male porn star doing straight porn is $500 to $600. Gay porn will pay three times that amount.
3. Since male porn performers get paid significantly more for doing gay porn, many straight men will now do gay porn for the money. Hence the term, gay for pay. The real gay porn performers out there typically hate this trend and dread the day when they are paired up with such a man.
4. Just as men get paid more for doing gay porn, so do women. And apparently the one distinctive feature that will indicate whether a woman is truly a lesbian is her nails. A bona fide lesbian will know to snip her nails before fingering another girl.
5. Those with fart fetishes, fret no more! There is a porn farting series out there, produced by Lucas Entertainment.
6. It is extremely unlikely for a porn star to contract AIDs or HIV while doing porn. The industry is meticulously regulated, and the rare instances when performers do contract diseases are typically a result of carelessly expanding their promiscuity to include people outside of the industry.
7. There’s a porn star out there named Moe the Monster who was Brooklyn-based until about three months ago. Moe’s career kicked off after he made a porno on the A train. He told me it made for an awkward Thanksgiving. Sigh.
8. There exists a man who resides in Brooklyn and goes by the name of Porno Jim. He holds monthly shows in Manhattan called The Porno Jim Show, the purpose of which is to help people find the right porn for them. God bless him!
9. Not only is there a porn industry in Brooklyn, but there also exists a porn union. The members are black male talent, who specialize in interracial porn. Common amongst the members are a flair for, what they refer to as MILFs. In Los Angeles, what with all of the porn production companies and adult talent agencies, such a union could never exist.
10. There’s a Reno 911! porn parody entitled Reno 911 XXX and it’s awesome. Incidentally, one can be nominated for an AVN award based purely on their acting skills in a porn movie. Dan Reilly is one such man — he appeared in over 100 porn movies and did not have to have sex or take off any clothes for one of them — and was nominated for a Best Actor AVN Award for his role in Reno 911 XXX. He played Terry.
11. There is a Captain America porn parody brilliantly titled Captain America XXX — which, incidentally, was released before the actual Captain America movie. Rob Black, the producer, insisted on having a Hitler character, a Sarah Palin character, and using real SS uniforms complete with accurate swastika badges and SS badges. In the movie, Red Skull — complete with his characteristic skull demon face — uses Sarah Palin as part of his fascist agenda and, in on scene, has sex with Sarah Palin in his cave-like lair, enveloped in dry ice. That is all.
12. Ben English (aka Derek Hay), the founder and owner of LA Direct, one of the leading adult talent agencies in Los Angeles, actually has another, lesser known, and much more lucrative endeavor. He runs a worldwide network of hookers (for lack of a better word) that services Sultans of Dubai, and suchlike powerful figures. Porn is his cover.
13. Rob Black wholeheartedly, and with zero trace of irony, refers to women as animals. In other words, a guy you’d like to bring home to the fam!
14. Joanna Angel, the founder of the alternative porn website Burning Angel, directs every single video that goes up on her website.
15. A good deal of male porn performers use Caverject — a drug that they inject straight into their penis to perpetuate and maintain an erection.
16. In the United States, the making of or acting in porn is only legal in Los Angeles and New Hampshire.
17. François Sagat, the renowned French gay porn star, used to be Carine Roitfeld’s assistant.